


a sign of faith

by cascountsdeansfreckles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Benny and Dean in Purgatory, Castiel/Dean Winchester in Purgatory, Dean Winchester Prays to Castiel, M/M, Praying Dean Winchester, Purgatory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:27:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26486419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cascountsdeansfreckles/pseuds/cascountsdeansfreckles
Summary: The first time that Benny wakes up during Dean’s watch, he thinks that Dean is talking to himself. There’s obviously no one around, but he keeps pausing as though he expects someone to answer. Maybe he’s really lost it now. Benny is about to sit up and ask Dean if he hears someone responding to him and send him to bed, but then Dean turns and Benny can see him wipe at his face. He goes still, shutting his eyes and pretending to still be asleep.“I dunno, Cas, it’s different without you. It’s like, at first everything was bearable, because at least we still had each other, y’know?”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 154





	a sign of faith

**Author's Note:**

> hi no beta we die like men <3 love y’all

One week after Benny and Dean link up.

The first time that Benny wakes up during Dean’s watch, he thinks that Dean is talking to himself. There’s obviously no one around, but he keeps pausing as though he expects someone to answer. Maybe he’s really lost it now. Benny is about to sit up and ask Dean if he hears someone responding to him and send him to bed, but then Dean turns and Benny can see him wipe at his face. He goes still, shutting his eyes and pretending to still be asleep.

“I dunno, Cas, it’s different without you. It’s like, at first everything was bearable, because at least we still had each other, y’know?”

Benny risks peeking an eye open and finds that Dean has turned away again. Cas. He recognizes the name. Sometimes Dean whispers it in his sleep, voice full of longing and loss. Sometimes he screams it, more of a desperate, terrified plea. Cas is the angel.

“I guess Benny--I told you about Benny the other night, the vamp--he makes it better sometimes. At least I’m not sitting here on my own, goin’ crazy, right? And I think I can trust him. I think he can actually get us out of here. So, you gotta come back Cas, okay? You just--” Dean’s voice breaks and Benny feels bad for listening now, as though he’s cracked opened Dean’s diary. He can’t bring himself to stop, though. He’s never seen Dean vulnerable like this. “I need you to come back. ‘Cause you’re comin’ with, or I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving you here, man.”

He goes quiet for a long time. Benny wonders if he’s ended his prayer or he could’ve realized Benny was eavesdropping and he’s going to kill him in his sleep. But Dean just sniffs a little and shifts uncomfortably.

“Please.” He stops again. When he continues, his voice is clear. “Anyway, that’s the news report for the day. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, ‘kay? Okay. Over and out.”

Benny gives it a few minutes before he makes a show out of waking up. Dean turns toward him as he sits up.

“Well, good morning.” Dean gives him a winning smile. If Benny hadn’t heard Dean crying and begging Cas to show up, he wouldn’t have ever guessed that Dean has anything on his mind.

“It’s not exactly morning,” Benny points out, gesturing at the darkness that still surrounds them.

“Whatever. Now that you’re up, I’m getting my four.” Dean flops down in the grass and tucks his forearm under his head as a makeshift pillow. “Wake me up if you’re getting attacked or something.” Benny doesn’t dignify that with a response, just flips his blade around in his hand and settles into the spot that Dean left vacant. Dean is asleep, or pretending to be, within minutes. Benny thinks about him telling Cas they would talk again tomorrow and the passing mention of something Dean has explained to Cas before. He must pray to him every night, Benny realizes, or most nights, at the very least.

One month after Benny and Dean link up.

The next time Benny overhears it, it’s because Dean wakes him up by throwing something into a tree on the other side of the clearing they’re camped in. Benny jerks awake, eyes wide and searching for the threat, but all he sees is Dean yanking the blade out of the tree and slamming the palm of his hand against the bark.

“Just come back, Castiel. I don’t understand why you won’t let me find you. You want me to fucking die out here lookin’ for you? Is that it? Because I swear to god, if I don’t find you I’m not leaving. I’m not. I’ll die here and it’ll be your fault. It’ll be your fucking fault, Cas.” Dean slams his hand into the tree again and leans heavily on it. Benny is still sitting up, staring at him unashamedly. Dean is too far in his own head to notice anyway. “I don’t know why you’re running, but if you stop--if you come back right now, I won’t be mad. I swear. Won’t even ask what took you so long.”

Dean turns away from the tree before Benny can lay back down, and their eyes meet through the hazy darkness.

“The hell are you lookin’ at?” Dean’s voice is rough, his stance defensive. Benny doesn’t say anything. “Sorry I woke you. I’ve still got a couple hours left on my watch.”

“You gonna get me killed looking for that son of a bitch, Winchester?” Dean’s jaw tightens. “Maybe he don’t wanna be found, you ever think about that?”

“He doesn’t know what he wants. You hear that, Cas?” Dean turns his face to the sky, as though he thinks he’ll finally get through to the angel if he directs his words to the heavens. “I don’t give a shit what you think you want! I’m takin’ you home with me if I have to fucking drag you.”

“Dean,” Benny starts, but Dean whirls on him, blade arm outstretched. Benny raises his eyebrows. Dean swallows thickly and drops his arm. “Are you even sure he’s alive?”

“He’s alive. I know that much. I’d be able to feel it if he wasn’t.”

If Dean recognizes the magnitude behind what he just said, he doesn’t show it. Benny has felt that way before, but never about a friend. He stays up with Dean after that, both of them sitting in silence and watching the sun rise.

Six months after Benny and Dean link up.

Dean goes back and forth between giving Cas pointless, empty updates about their days, hating him, and begging him to show himself. Benny sleeps through most of the prayers, but he has no doubt now that they happen every night. Sometimes Dean starts while he knows Benny is still awake. There’s no point hiding it anymore anyways. Tonight, though, Benny has to pull himself from a deep sleep at the sound of wrecked sobs from Dean’s post. He stirs, ready to calm his friend down, before he hears the words Dean is trying to manage through the crying.

“...but I still do. I still love you, you stupid son of a bitch. So you can’t be gone. You can’t keep being gone. I need you here more than I’ve ever needed anything. Please. Please, Cas. I miss you. I miss you and I have no idea how big this fucking place is and I have no idea where to look.” Benny aches. Dean’s voice is torn up and his hands are behind his head. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I lost you. I don’t know what happened--I turned my back and you were gone and I couldn’t find you anywhere. It wasn’t on purpose, Cas, I didn’t mean to lose you.”

Benny closes his eyes against the raw guilt in Dean’s voice.

“I’d give anything for you to be here. I’m sorry.” He breaks down again, words lost in breathtaking sobs that barely sound human. Benny rolls over and tries to fall back asleep.

Almost a year since Benny and Dean linked up.

“D’you remember that, Cas? God, I laughed so hard,” Dean is saying, his head tilted back against the tree he’s using to prop himself up. Benny lays on his back, staring at the starless sky. He has no idea whether Dean knows he is listening. “And you had no idea what you did wrong, either. You were so clueless back then. Well, you’re barely any better now, I guess.” There’s a smile in his voice and he grabs his blade through the dirt, drawing random shapes. “I think we’re gettin’ close to finding you. I don’t know why, but I think I can feel it. I should make you take me to a strip club when we get home. See if you’ve improved your game any. Alright, I’m signing off. Talk to you tomorrow. G’night.”

The night before they find him.

“I swear, we’ve almost found you, Cas. You just hold on for me, okay? I’m coming. I’m going to take you home.”

The day that they find him, Dean is glowing. He crashes through the trees with abandon and grabs the angel so tight Benny worries they’re both going to keel over. That’s why he interrupts their reunion.

“Why’d you bail on Dean?” How could you possibly bail on someone who loves you that much? Dean tries to stop him, tries to defend the angel, but Cas just gives him a guilt stricken look. Benny’s own rage in his friend's defense distracts him from the conversation until Dean raises his voice.

“I prayed to you, Cas, every night,” Dean is saying. Benny stops himself from adding ‘and some mornings, too.’

“I know,” the angel replies quietly. Benny watches Dean take the words like a physical blow.

“You know and you didn’t--” Dean breaks off and composes himself long enough to turn his hurt into anger. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Cas rambles through his explanation, but Benny doesn’t give any of it credit until he swallows thickly and adds, “to keep them away from you.” Cas looks away from Dean, and in that moment, Benny realizes something that he’s been missing the whole time. Dean’s feelings are requited. Maybe more than. He looks at Dean, wondering if he’s coming to the same conclusion. He just looks stricken.

Dean isn’t going to let the angel go now that they’ve found him. He knows that. The angel knows that. So, he doesn’t fight it too much when Dean has him explain the plan to Cas. He knows the guy well enough to know he would never win that battle. But that doesn’t mean he has to like him, has to forgive him for letting Dean suffer for a year. He doesn’t understand how Dean moves past it so quickly, as though he didn’t spend his nights crying and cursing Cas for disappearing on him.

Love makes people stupid. That’s the only explanation he can think of when he wakes up to Dean talking once again the next night, but this time there’s a low voice answering him.


End file.
